10 Pokemon That Gotta Get in My Belly

Not all Pokemon are created equal. There are those who were made to be eaten, and those intended to be overlooked as food. Such rules have no power in this house. All Pokemon are fair game here. As long as they look yummy, there's a reasonable chance of your favorite 'Mon landing a spot on this list. Nothing personal, I'm just hungry.

Gourgeist

Why I'd Eat It My consumption of Gourgeist would be a matter of principle and taste. Underneath the cute appearance festers the soul of a cruel specter - one that delights in the pain of others. As indicated in its Pokemon Y Pokedex entry: "it enwraps its prey in its hairlike arms. It sings joyfully as it observes the suffering of its prey." Subsequent accounts paint it with an even grimmer brush, all but stating that Gourgeist have a habit of dragging people into hell. The kicker? They accomplish this by pretending to be an innocent child or trustworthy adult. It depends on the age of their victim. I'd be doing the world a favor by reducing the Gourgeist population.

How I'd Eat It The idea of pumpkin fries has fascinated me for a while now. Combining them together with a sizeable amount of parm and parsley should turn them into an unforgettable side. Or a fancier take on Potato Corner fries. The latter doesn't sound too bad, actually.

Ursaring

Why I'd Eat It Blame Food Wars!: Shokugeki no Soma for this. Two episodes of the anime are dedicated solely to bear meat - a meat described as having a gamey smell and taste. Overwhelmingly so, judging by how some of the main character's friends reacted to his insufficiently prepared bear meat hamburg steak. The same token can be applied to Ursaring. An unskilled chef would botch up this Pokemon. A talented one would find ways to mask the gameyness, or make it work somehow. That's a risk I'm totally willing to take if it will result in me sampling a food I could never get over here. Legally, at least.

How I'd Eat It Alvin Zhou, an esteemed member of the Babish Culinary Universe, dared to put on his mad lad socks and recreate the two bear dishes featured in Food Wars!: Shokugeki no Soma: chicken-fried bear and menchi-katsu. Having successfully made and eaten both, Alvin appeared to favor the menchi-katsu more, saying:

This one has a lot going on. I feel like I'm getting punched in the face by a bear. But immediately afterwards, three pretty girls named Honey, Balsamic, and Schisandra are caressing my cheeks and giving me a hug. Which makes sense because in the show the main character actually does not try to tame the bear. He actually wants to let the bear out.

The menchi-katsu even serves as the thumbnail for the YouTube video, further reinforcing the idea that it's superior to the chicken-fried bear. I'll take his word for it and say that Ursaring as menchi-katsu is my preference.

Lechonk

Why I'd Eat It Is it really shocking to see Lechonk here? With a name like that, you know this Pokemon was born to be served with rice and gravy at only the best celebrations. As a bonus: the folks behind its conception have seemingly embraced the notion by modeling Lechonk after the Black Iberian pig. These adorable yet unassuming porkers are adored as the source of jamon iberico or Iberico ham, widely regarded as the best ham in the world. I'm among those who believe this smoked meat to be as scrumptious as its reputation claims, solidifying the position that Lechonk has earned here.

How I'd Eat It Almost one-third of Lechonk is comprised of its head; and what sought-after Filipino meal is made using pig head? The esteemed sisig, what else? A head as big as Lechonk's is sure to give sisig portions that quench the palettes of several hungry people. The rest of the body can be utilized in a multitude of appetizing ways: crispy pork belly, pulled pork sandwiches, pork stew, and so on.

Combee

Why I'd Eat It Combee are nothing more than sentient chunks of honeycomb masquerading as a bee. Ergo, I'll be treating them appropriately and mention that honeycomb is edible. With that in mind, it can be assumed that Combee are filled to the brim with sweet honey and chewy beeswax, just like how honeycomb is in real life. I can recommend honeycomb as a food that you should try at least once. It's honey as a snack and a great one at that.

How I'd Eat It Honey by itself is a wonderfully all-around ingredient that acts as an embellishment rather than the main attraction. Honeycomb is the same but with the extra mouthfeel of chewiness. Buttered toast could gain a lot from the inclusion of honeycomb, so I'd spread a piece of Combee on my next slice. Combee may not be capable of standing stinger to stinger with the likes of Beedrill or Ribombee, but they sure can transform the ordinary into something gourmet.

Malamar

Why I'd Eat It I like leftovers. They save me a lot of time, effort, and planning when it comes to my meals. As a perpetually exhausted 30-something, this is very welcome. I also don't mind eating the same foods over and over again during the course of several days - as long as they're good, that is. Malamar stands at a whopping 4'11" and weighs a hefty 103.6 pounds. It's got the height and the girth to make a decent amount of leftovers. Not just for me, but for anyone who'd be interested enough to try. My month would be set if I could get just one whole Malamar from the freezer and onto my table.

How I'd Eat It There's a lot of Malamar to go around. So much so that I can think of three ways to get the most out of its succulent meat. The first would be Malamar as calamari. In this form, Malamar can be eaten on its own, alongside a hot cup of rice, or next to a plate of Gourgeist fries. Next up is Malamar as squid ink risotto, for when I'm in the mood to be a little fancier than usual. Last would be Malamar as salt and pepper squid, which is Chinese fare I've got a soft spot for.

Sunflora

Why I'd Eat It There was a time not too long ago when sunflowers on a grill took over the app of TikTok. Many would dismiss this as just another fad in the same vein as the revolting pancake cereal (seriously, pancakes that weren't made soggy by maple syrup or honey is too disgusting a thought). Turns out sunflower is part of some food cultures around the world, Poland being one such country that has incorporated it into the rhythm of their daily lives. Knowing that this isn't a fleeting trend, I'm curious enough to give Sunflora a shot and see what the hype was all about.

How I'd Eat It Roasted, as previously mentioned, By doing so, one could smoke away a bit of the guilt from munching upon what could be the happiest Pokemon alive. I am fortunately immune to such emotions when it comes to my food, so let's move on to the next Poke-nommables.

Clamperl

Why I'd Eat It A startling realization has dawned on me: we haven't had any soups yet. Let's rectify that with Clamperl, literally nobody's favorite Pokemon. The third generation of Pokemon games was awash with some truly amazing water Pokemon, counting but not limited to Swampert Ludicolo, Milotic, and Kyogre. Clamperl was doomed to be forgotten, its chunky, juicy meats acting as its only saving grace. No battles will be won by this Pokemon, but it'll feed you as a proper clam chowder.

How I'd Eat It Frankly, I'm not really into soups. I'll always make room for pumpkin soup and clam chowder, however. I'm of the belief that clam chowder goes really well just before a main course of steak. Turn this back to Pokemon, and what I'm saying is Clamperl chowder will get you in the mood for that Tauros steak you ordered.

Makuhita

Why I'd Eat It All of the Pokemon mentioned so far have the potential to become hearty, belly-stuffing foods. Makuhita continues this forward momentum, but with the extra baggage of being a Pokemon I thought was food. Yes, as a dumb teenager, I believed Makuhita to be a giant siopao wielding boxing gloves. In my defense, one of the earliest Fighting-type Pokemon you can get is a mushroom dinosaur kangaroo. A boxing glove-wearing steamed bun wouldn't be too off-the-reservation for the series. Nowadays, I know that the Makuhita line is meant to be reminiscent of sumo wrestlers and that Makuhita can be eaten regardless.

How I'd Eat It I look at Makuhita, all I can think of is crispy chicharon. Anyone who's had chicharon knows that it tastes its best when it's coupled with a thick strip of belly fat. Makuhita is all belly, making it a prime candidate for mouthwatering, heart-stopping, liver-demolishing chicharon.

Blacephalon

Why I'd Eat It I know, I know. Blacephalon is more fireworks clown than anything else. The quasi-lollipop stylings are there, though. Starting with its bulbous head and moving down its lanky body, the shape isn't too far off from echoing that of a lollipop. The bright, cheery colors are the sort you'd come to expect decorating the wrappers of any candy. Recognizing Blacephalon as a lollipop is plausible, maybe a little premeditated on the part of the designers as well. I'd like to think so.

How I'd Eat It Remove the wrapper and dig in. Tally the number of licks it takes to get to the center. Weep a little because I forgot Blacephalon is part Fire and my spice tolerance is non-existent. Keep calm and carry on anyways because I've already committed to this.

Whitney's Miltank

Why I'd Eat It To say that I have an intense dislike of this cow is an understatement. Let me set the scene: you're an 11-year-old Pokemon fan whose first ever game was Pokemon Silver. Croconaw, Flaaffy, and Pidgey have cut an unstoppable swath of destruction up until Goldenrod City. All is well until a fat pink cow lumbers out from Whitney's side of the arena. Before you know it, your all-male Pokemon team has been unceremoniously crushed to death by the brobdingnagian heft of a Miltank that's far too clever for its own good. You brush the dust off your britches and try again. The Miltank steamrolls through the team a second time. Rinse and repeat until your tiny child mind decides that over-levelling Croconaw and brute-forcing your way to victory is the best solution after what felt like an eternity of mounting frustration. Compounding your first ever brush with a Soulsborne-esque boss (to you, at the time) is your copy of Pokemon Silver being a Japanese one. Congratulations, you just survived my personal experience with Whitney's Miltank. Now go turn that cow into a burger and eat it in front of Whitney, maintaining eye contact the entire time. Use her hot tears as extra salt.

How I'd Eat It Spitefully.

One Last Bite

The release of the ninth generation of games is on the horizon. In just a few months' time, Pokemon fans will be playing with and collecting what will surely be over a thousand Pokemon before the end of the year. The series as a whole shows no signs of slowing down, Pokemon Legends: Arceus' monumental success having emboldened those associated with the franchise. I've no doubt that we'll be seeing more and more Pokemon to stretch the Pokedex to a ridiculous length. Some will be totally brand new,, others will be fresh takes on old 'Mons, all will be future writing material for yours truly.